Leavin'

"The ambient sunlight paints the sky orange, harnessing every strength of it for the last burst of orange hue before it drops beneath the horizon. Night sets in."

Tuesday morning I woke up with the excruciating headache in the early morning around 6am, swaying a little, I staggered all the way to toilet. The usual perkiness was gone. I rejected to take Panodol no matter how my mom persuaded me n I now realize how stupid I'm for not taking my mom's advice! 'Seriously, It's just a headache?' I thought. I wasn't so good after all, considering me in such indisposed condition with those stupid filings, I finally gave up eating for the sake of not vomiting, n I barely had appetite to eat after all. My dear colleague gave me 2 pills of panadols n I swallowed it down without hesitation. Really, I did feel better! =)

The icy cold rain came pouring down heavily in the morning, as If insinuating my leaving would be official. Quickened my steps towards the big building that loomed in front of me as always, unfathomable feeling crept inside me. Working for the very last day. I appreciate my boss so much for taking great care of me beside teaching me a great deal of things that might be useful in the future, and the one and only male colleague that treated me as his brother. ZI HERN, actually this job isn't that bored for me after all. Reluctantly handed out my bleached punch card n left, I glanced back to the building of 'URC Snack Foods', I felt a surge of sadness within me. Perhaps Life is really about leaving n dying.

Summoning all my strength to keep myself in good mood, soon I was on the way back. The next journey will begin soon, setting down the heavy feeling of mine. Ironically, truth be told, I'm indeed a weirdo. I'm 19 by the way, maybe It's one of the teenage-to-adult syndrome that I've yet to discover? Whatever It is, getting myself lost in the sea of moodiness isn't a good think so I guess I'd sometimes walk out from the darkness, heading for the light. I wasn't in the mood to write, so to whoever reading this, don't blame me for any mistakes u find or whatsoever.

I always find that dawn is impressive, dusk is pretty. Yet It's ephemeral. Night is eerily silent and long but It can be as stunning as both Dusk and Dawn. Sleep is a good idea but does sleep ever help in those depressing moments? I wonder. SMILE =)

~The End~

Vampire Craze!

I was practically doing nothing at all, considering the fact that It's a pretty free day for me. Guess what? I was in a daze today, mainly due to the lack-of-sleep night again. The so-called WEB-attraction has seized me once again yet the sense of foreboding was unable to avert my attention from the WEB! Sigh... But writing does actually ease the slight discomfort of mine. It's a fine way to vent out anger, n definitely a good way to cure my psychotic breakdown a little! Sleepy or not, It's not my greatest concern now since I practically immune from sleeping. I'm FINE with that though.

Keep it short, curt and precise. A remorseful look on my face. Life is a stage of reality, I'm not the expert in Life, nor do I live long enough to experience Life, considering I just turned 19 months ago. But I'm a believer, I know that life would never play out the way u want. Okay, I'm kind of philosophic now. I hate that I never truly appreciate learning English when I was young, no more regrets now. Well. Brief short life ahead so I guess I just have to work harder, for the future sake. I know It sounds lame but It's the truth after all. =(

Mulling over my long life planning, why not enjoying my current life? A bit contradictory to what I've mentioned just now. Don't get me wrong! Ha I mean, we can't always be serious. It's tiring! I've been kind to myself lately. Reading VA is inspiring as I couldn't believe Friendship can be so strong and tough. Could I ever find myself a friend like Rose? Such faithful and loyal? Hmm. Define friend- Friends are companies that will be there with u whenever u feel down and sad, happy, confused or anything. I appreciate those who are! Thanks for the concern and everything! I especially send my regards to Yan IF U're reading this. Wong Chew Li n Goh Pohyee for being my loyal blog readers. My fellow bffs, If they ever read my blog.

My feeling? A little claustrophobic n doomed, as IF the End of the World is imminent. Like thousands of arrows raining down on me, but I feel nth, cos I'm numb, the pain is nth after all. Maybe the disappointment won't go away like pains do?

"Inner Peace" I'm still searching. Peace =)

~The End~

Inner Peace

"Inner Peace" I found this deeply impressing. The overwhelming Endorphin experience or the calming tranquilizer? I prefer the latter. I must keep a mental note to at least swallow down a few pills to calm myself down. I felt upset the last week, mere trivial thing could actually pull my mood down for a whole day.

The shopping spree is lurking behind my mind, tingling every sense of mine to buy books. BOOKS! Is it offensive to but at least ONE book a week? Definitely a Nope for me! =) The list goes on. Eat! Love! Pray! would definitely be in my MUST-BUY list though I know It's all about romance. But why not? Currently reading the Vampire Academy or VA in short again. But those BOOKS r quite costy. In fact, It's heartbreaking spending lots to buy but It's worth buying! Couldn't agree more =)

Aside from the fact that I buy a lot, my life revolves around the same dull routine - Wake up, work, online, sleep. Such a robotic life. I fail to do what I've promised myself to do due to the sheer laziness, excuse upon excuse against the promise I've made. I guess the whole working thing has worn me out. Again, another excuse. How much would u pay for a plate of rice with only vege n EGG? RM2.70 I paid! Hmm N I'm getting a bit frustrated n temperamental this few weeks, dissipate a little only after reading a book or two. Sometimes I feel good to be alone, struggling to keep my face smiling is tiring. I need sth to enlighten me up!

Paying less and less attention to what I'm supposed to do. Tio Kai Jie! U shouldn't be so discouraging! Any remedies to cure me from being despair? I'm so desperate sometimes to see ppl manipulating words and sentences in a profoundly good way but I'm not. Jealousy will come set in. =( I want to be good! The past few weeks over in a blur. Disconcerting ever since, bewildered even, why I just couldn't stick to the plan? Few more tormented thoughts and I'll let insanity conquer me, better admit defeated than to die unworthily!

"St. John Smart!" I miss my uniform and my marching team before, the nostalgic feeling comes flowing back unwittingly. SMILE =)

~The End~

The Enigma

Haunted constantly by the vacillation between sadness n disappointment, mentally exhausted. "I'm fine, really." Sweltering weather, hot sun right overhead, but what flowing down my cheeks wasn't sweat but tears. Oh shit! Enough of that stupid psychotic breakdown n I really need to pull myself back together before it falls into pieces again.

At least text sth back to me rather than not replying me. Sth like "Hey sorry I'm busy maybe I find u next time", curt but comforting. Annoying or irritating? Both r the same literally. I won't bother to text u all at all, IF not my dear friends. Bff? That's funny, ludicrous even.

Don't ever judge a book by its cover as appearance does cheat sometimes. Kids r the tremendous asset in the future n should be treated equally with respect n courtesy. I don't always flatter myself with words like that. No more dismay okay?

SO here again the stupid mouth of mine, I dunno what happened to my mouth! Painful like hell to me. I've devoted my time loyally but unequally to my lappie, sleep does sound good to me as always but I just couldn't get myself into bed n close my eyes like I did once before. The drifted-to-sleep habit was long gone. I look sleep-deprived!

I miss my camera. I've put it aside for months, nothing special to snap. =(

Few have time to stop by here n read. But it's okay. Emotion is enigmatic, undefinable but expressable. Growing up, first u need to live up the ordeals, that's what life is all about, considering the fact that leaving and dying r the commonest things, then we'd appreciate we live.

"People are always leaving. They fall in and out like a shadow." I love this line from the book I read. SMILE =)

It's like years before, I remember vividly that we r in the same primary school, same sec school. U're my bff indeed. Kind of miss u my dear friend. The day before we always have the chance to sit down n chit-chat but now only via message as the medium of communication. Hmm. Really I trust u a lot, as a young sis to me. Happy Birthday to u! Or Happy BORN day xD (17th June)

Oh ya, by the way u r 19. Miss Wong Lao Yan! =) Today my 'lucky' day cos I was caught red-handed reading novel during my work time, But fortunately not my Boss. Huat a!

~The End~

X-Men Prequel

The trace of humanity is slowly ebbing away. Humanity VERSUS Science. Mutation n Evolution. How greatly important is the role of science in our life? Nuclear reaction, DNA, mutation. Oh my! Science is so interesting, not that dull n monotonous after all =)

The sun wasn't that bright today. The rain has come spattering down a little in the noon. Instead of staying at home, I went out with my friends to catch a movie. X-Men The First Class... I wasn't a big fan of Science n Techno YET...

It's all about the X-Men, the origins. I dunno why I was on the brink of tears at the very end of the movie, perhaps I felt sad over the humanity? Helping others not necessarily people will appreciate, It's a sad fact that those who r helped turn against u.

James McAvoy

This is the guy that teaming up few Mutants to be known as 'X-Men', the telepathic leader n the founder. The professor that we all knw. Greatly inspired by him, I started to love Sciences. actually he's quite good looking guy. Gonna love this guy xD

Lucas Till

This is Lucas Till, I guess many recognize him as well as me, he's the Miley Cyrus boy, I mean was in the movie of Hannah Montana, n he's leading another important role in this movie of X-Men (quite so). N well, my friends r super duper crazy seeing him appearing on the Screen! Kai Xin a typical western-culture lover (Hmm I guess the people there more xD). N well Evelyn sitting beside Terence was typically shouting "Oh' He's cute n good-looking" for 3 times during the movie time. Hmm, couldn't agree more.

10 out of 1o for this movie. Waiting for the coming Transformer n Harry Potter. Though Transformer Megan Fox is gone, but still I'll be watching! =) The attraction of Movies is undeniably irresistible!

I've changed a lot, my friend told me that I became quieter a lot. Perhaps I really did change. The evolution, of mine. Gonna brush up on my English during this few mths! Grr! I see nth other than determination from the reflection of the mirror! I can make IT! =)

Breaking Dawn

"Tik Tok, Tik Tok... Rrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggg........"

Grr! The ticking clock again! I'd have slept for the whole day IF I'm not awakened by the faithful little ticking clock every morning. I very much wish to land an explosive atomic bomb on the clock to blast it off. Yet, thanks to its loyalty and punctuality. =(

"Yearning for sleep at night, longing to sleep more in the morning" What a weirdo indeed?! I LOVE MY LAST BLOG ENTRY =) - The ethereal Blue

Pouting. Scrunching up our faces to the camera. No more cheeses cos It's a bit lame for me. =) My little bro was holding his favorite Kung FU Panda character, which I dunno the name of it but I bet it's a tigress! ( Hell! It's that obvious pls )

The wardrobe to the lane that beyond your imagination, the lion speaks the wisdom that no man could speak, and the miniature rat holds a sword, brandishing it with perfect accuracy and bravery. I'd love my life more IF I were given a chance to live an adventurous life like Narnians.

"Shhh... Quiet down!" I've quieted down my life for how long I couldn't count. The undulating waves ceased long ago, the rain that has once spattered down the rooftop was long gone, leaving only the icy coldness behind. Short life and eager to experience more. Friends. I dunno why I sound so negative today but there must be a reason for me to behave like this. N I knew it all along, just dare not to face it. =(

Thanks to those faithful blog reader, I very much appreciate u all thought I know only a few but it's enough. =)

The ethereal blue sky isn't blue anymore in my mind, tinted by a little of the black and white. Will myself to believe but actually Yes that's the truth that I don't wanna hear. Annoying I guess me. I won't bother u all anymore, be myself and live my life. Sometimes I just need a friend to speak to, just a simple wish.

I'm waiting, waiting for the dawn to break, the breaking dawn. A new beginning...

~The End~

Ethereal Blue

The ethereal clouds clustered the blue sky, a few birds flitted past the sky n an airplane flew over, piercing the unblemished sky. How long could the sky stay blue? There's no eternal glorious. Very weirdo me feeling outright frustrated. As IF the sky wouldn't be blue anymore. I love blue sky =)

"That's why I smile, It's been awhile, since everyday and everything is about this, right and now, you're turning all around, and suddenly you're all I need, the reason why I smile"

Avril's new songs are remarkably inspiring. Smile? Reason to smile. Do I? Did someone happen to make me smile? I want to smile, to laugh, to at least curve up my mouth. Tiring.

The punch card of mine was washed, bleached n dried. Could it be used again? I dunno. Hais. Why am I always that blur? Couldn't my brain at least remember sth? What the hell me looking gloomy for that? Aish! LOOK AT ME! Optimistic man!

"Hey. mind having dinner together tonight?" I'd always text my dear daughter She Mei out before. Not now. Might be blah blah blah ING but IT's a blissful thing to be, expressing sth u suppress. It's a relief. Ha Ha Ha I'm smiling =)

Everything changes albeit how hard u try not to change it. Alteration is undeniably the common thing to be. SO accept it or u'll be going insane!

Feel like I'm spamming my own bloggie! Ha Who cares? I guess maybe no one cares? LOL. Anyway Done crapping! =) Feeling good! The spamming did a good job! xD

~The End~

Reminiscence Rhapsody

Predictable life isn't that fun after all, dull-cum-monotonous. Shake off the usual Emo-ness for just today cos It's an important date to be. 4th June.

Shrugging off the avalanche of emotions that comes rolling down at me. Glad that 2 of my friends turned and turning 19 this few days. Couldn't quite believe myself, for I've been living through 19 years' ordeals (Exaggerate maybe?!).

It's been 2 years leaving the uniform-wearing days' life, the history-memorizing n birthday celebrating days before. I miss my secondary school life. We celebrated one's birthday together, like a happy family, sending gift to each other, wishes n blah blah blah... Now. ?

Here comes my birthday wishes to my two of my lovely friends.

Weng See,

Hmm, U're finally 19! Believe it anot? Remembering back the old days. The classes time, we chatting whenever possible. Mrs Trumay was so angry cos me being that talkative. LOL. I'm introvert actually! It's nice to be ur friend Weng See.

I do miss you a lot, how r u? Everything's going on well there? Did the turbulences still there? Stressed life? Cool friends? Complicated adult stuff? Syllabus to be catching up? Lagging behind? Anyone dare themselves to bully u just tell me! Ha

U r indeed a good friend of mine, not the merely acquaintance I made for just temporary. Nice talking to u. Ha. Hmm anyway, just good luck to ur new life, A lawyer to be n I'm so proud of u! I can make it! Believe urself! xD SMILE =) No stress! Hehe

A big HAPPY BIRTHDAY to u! xD

P.S Today's Agung B'day also! Wakaka How proud is that?! LOL

Jau Huei,

Happy Birthday again to u. 19 years old! SO happy to see u guys still going to school, like the life before. Hmm kinda miss the old life I used to have. Though I can be graduated earlier, but It's still worth live ur life, being a Form 6 students n having fun, eating, chatting, arguing, anything. It must be fun. Hais

Anyway. It's nice to be ur friend n I'm glad I met u! =) 2nd June lucky boy!

Why always would the reminiscence evoke such strong emotion, I dunno? N I don't care.! It's a good thing at least! SMILE. LOL Is it my title correct? Who cares! Ha

~The End~

Chaos

The happily-ever-after ending captures all women's heart, always. Chaos upon chaos deep down in the fragile heart, brittle and vulnerable. May I ask, does real life get all happily-ever-after as always?

Feeling unpredictably out of myself today, emotional part of me started creeping up to my mind, grazing unintentionally the inner part of my mind, triggering the unusual down feeling of mine. Sighing. What could I do to mend it? Shouldn't be happy staying at home? Back there before I was 18, life was like that normal without any interferences. Life during 18 was stressed like hell. But Life after 18?

I know smiling could be endearing, lovely yet sometimes It's just tiring. Can I be like the lovely cat above? Smile the best, no worries smile to all. Struggling to keep myself from falling into pieces, pulling myself together from the easy outburst. I tried and I fail.

How would you describe disappointment? It's a deep abyss, falling down and u won't be able to climb up, It's not slippery n steep, It's just simple too deep to climb out. Perhaps all my dreams will always just be dreams? Ha Life maybe simple but It's complicated.

Mayhem. Crying inaudibly at one corner. I just can't do it?! Why I try and I fail? Could it just because I've no talents to do that? The dream is such a far-fetched idea for me? Giving up? Hais... Enough crapping and expressing I guess. Night all. Maybe I need no one after all. Loneliness would always be the best. Friends? That's funny! I got only a few. Best friends? Ha

~The End~